Molly and Jessie’s Story
The summer of 2005 was the beginning of the end. He was escalating and becoming more intimidating. He had moved out but had found an apartment across the street where he could see our house. He didn’t have a key anymore but would regularly find ways into the house, leaving his presence known. Our mom would change the locks. He would find another way in, leaving behind another unmistakeable sign that he had been there. She would change the locks again and round and round it went.
He waited until the day after our birthday (me 11, and Jessie 21) to break in during the night and take her life. Jessie was behind a door but there for it all. I was at a friend’s house, completely unaware of the travesty that awaited me when I awoke.
As the years have gone on, more and more people have passed who knew her. Both of her parents are now gone themselves, we’ve fallen out of touch with most people who knew her, and so it’s largely up to us to keep her memory alive. To teach our children about our Mom.
She was strong. Undeniably so. She was a single mom for most of her years but provided opportunities for us as if there were two of her. Camping and sports, trips to the coast and lazy days together. She loved the sun and would call in sick to work if the weather was too nice to be stuck in a cubicle. She loved her people and if you were in her circle you were IN. She wasn’t afraid to speak the truth but was never unkind for sport. She loved wildflowers and would keep seeds in the back of our car to spread as she went along. She was a case worker for the Department of Justice, fighting for families to get the support they needed. She was witty and quick. She cared about traditions and making things feel special. She was our mom and our safe place. But just like that, she was gone and we were still here. Left behind to try and figure out life together. And we did figure it out - mostly.
Movers came and packed up our house and our lives and put it all in a storage unit. Every so often we would venture into some of those boxes but it was deeply painful to have such physical reminders of what we had lost. It was a few years after her death that we found 8 children’s book manuscripts, each with its own cover letter. Each with its own plan of which editor to pitch it to at which publishing house. Many of them with her handwritten notes and edits, page breaks and thoughts. Little pieces of her. The manuscripts were dated in the 80s - a challenging time in her personal life when she was going through a divorce. As we read between the lines of her life, we are left to assume that while this was a deeply seeded dream of hers, she was faced with raising Jessie on her own and had to put it aside for the time being. Except it wasn’t just the time being - while she maintained this dream of being a published children’s author - she never got the chance because her life was cut short.
Now, 20 years later, we are on a mission to publish her work. To fulfill her dream. And to bring her voice back. To give life to her words once more that now only live on in our memories. We’re doing this not just for our mom, but for anyone who has ever had their voice silenced, anyone who has had to put their dreams off because of circumstances beyond their control, and for us. We miss our mom terribly, every day. On sunny days and on days we’re sad, when we graduated from college and when we got married, at the birth of each of our babies and every day in between. She wasn’t supposed to be gone. We’re doing a GoFundMe to help us to raise the money to be able to do this for her. We would be honored if you would help us to accomplish our goal in keeping her words alive.
