Hannah’s Story

There’s something so lonely about losing the person who brought you into this world. 

It’s a feeling of being eternally homesick.

My mom Sheila was sunshine that walked into a dark room. Her laugh was  loud, her smile was bright and her personality was big considering she was only 5 feet tall. My mom felt like a ray of warm sunshine on your face after a cloud passes by. My mom and I worked at the same hospital and which some may have hated working at the same place as their parent, but I loved it. I loved seeing her in the hallway, cafeteria or picking up the phone in my department and hearing her voice. 

Everyday I would speed walk to my car after work so I could call her and we could talk about how crazy the day was or just talk about really anything that came to mind. But after she passed, each step to my car felt heavy, leading to a quiet, lonely ride home. I didn’t just lose my mom — I lost my best friend, my safe place, and the one who always knew how to make everything better. 

On October 17th, 2024, my entire world shattered. I had seen my mom that day at work and gave her pumpkin muffins I had made from scratch. She texted me later on to say how much she loved them. As the day went on it was just a normal day in my life and hers as well. She worked a half day, got her hair done, spent time with her dogs and visited with my grandpa (her dad) and my brother. She picked up food for them and brought it over to them for dinner. Two hours before her passing I spoke with her on the phone. 

I was home when my brother called me after my step dad had called him saying there was an accident and to go to the house. Even as I was getting ready to leave my house with my husband, I never once thought I was going to lose my mom that night. We got to the house and saw fire trucks, police and ambulance. We got out and a police officer had said everyone was already at the hospital and to go there. He didn’t say much but did say the accident was bad. I never could have dreamed that at 28, I would have to say goodbye to my mom.

The hospital was only about 5 minutes from my mom’s house. I got ahold of my brother on the phone when my husband and I were about to pull into the hospital and that’s when he said she had just passed away. My brain couldn’t process it, I was in complete shock thinking there was no way she could have passed. I thought to myself the doctors would resuscitate her and she’d have a long recovery but she’d make it out. How wrong I was. 

The thing with my moms passing is it was 100% preventable. It didn’t have to happen and I think that’s what makes it harder. 

My mom fell into a well that was being filled in her backyard. The job wasn’t completed nor was it done properly. It was going to be completed the next day, but in the meantime it wasn’t covered. No caution tape, no barrier around it, nothing. Just left as is. The dirt that was used settled down, leaving a hole now a couple feet deep. Inside that whole was water and sticky mud. 

I will never know what exactly happened that night which makes it hard to move on. Ultimately, somehow, my mom had gotten home that night, went into the backyard with her dogs and fell into the hole. Her cause of death was drowning. After her passing I struggled a lot. My heart was in actual pain. 

I would write in this journal that my husband gave me about the loneliness I felt. I talked about the connection that a mother and daughter have. In one entry I wrote, “It’s like we were always attached by an umbilical cord before I was even born. Then it was cut but still attached us together. After the actual cord was cut it turned into an invisible one, that stretched no matter how far we were from each other ( which never was more than a few hours away). But after you passed the cord was cut permanently and it left a hole on my end. It feels like I still have my invisible end attached but the other side now has nothing”. 

I wrote that entry on November 30th. On the night of December 2nd I had a dream that I was with my mom. I was crying because I had just found out I was pregnant and was telling her that I couldn’t do it without her. The next day, December 3rd I took a pregnancy test and it came up positive. Shortly after, I found out I was going to have a daughter and gave birth to her August 4th 2025. 

I do believe somehow my mom sent me her. I was at my lowest point I had ever been my entire life. Feeling lonely and hopeless, finding out I was pregnant gave me joy and hope. I really don’t know how I would have survived without this happening. 

Being a mom when I still want my mom is hard. I think about her every single day and I wish she was here to experience being a grandma. I hope I can be a mom like she was because I can honestly say I never once doubted my mom’s love and devotion to my brother and I. She was proud and truly selfless. She’d give us her last penny if it meant it would make us happy. 

Mommy, you are missed so much. Not only by me but by many other people who got to experience the type of person you were. I hold onto every memory I have of you close and replay your laughter in my head. I hope one day we will meet again but until then, I love you so much.