Jane’s Story

It was a Tuesday - it's always a random Tuesday isn't it? When you get broken up with, when you lose your job...when your mom suddenly passes away from Necrotizing Fasciitis?????

I was living in New York City at the time, and traveled home to Buffalo for Easter weekend - typical home for the holidays type-stuff. I even joked with mom that I didn't overpack for once and she was so proud. We went to Nordstrom Rack the day before she was rushed to the hospital - and that was the last shopping spree I ever went on with my mother, at age 25. 

Without going into the nitty gritty details, one day she was here, and the next day she was gone - connected to tubes, and just gone. And my world completely shattered. From a mysterious infection I never even heard of. I spiraled HEAVY obviously thinking, why me? Why my mom? Healthy, followed the rules, my BEST FRIEND. Just why? She wasn't even sick, and I had barely a day to live through it, process it, comprehend what even happened. To this day the doctors don't even have answers. It's one of those mysteries "we don't know how she contracted this one." So my family and I just have to live with it.

I feel pretty angry that a lot of my life and future plans with her were taken away so abruptly - what do you mean she won't meet my grandkids when she was such an amazing grandma to my sister’s kids? What do you mean she won't be in my wedding and watch me finally have true happiness with someone? What do you mean I can’t even pick up the phone and ask her for advice?

It feels like I lived a pretty naive life, pre the Jane I am now. Because yes, I'm a completely different Jane. But how could I not be naive - no one teaches you about death, no one knows how to properly navigate it, until it happens to you. But then, you still don't know how. 

My mom was so wise, caring, warm, and emotional. I'm told I share those same qualities, but I didn't want to carry them through life this early on. Thankfully, I have such a great support system that takes care of me more than they will ever know. 

I have since moved across the world to Sydney, Australia, and I'm attempting to heal my very, very broken heart. Now I'm sharing my grief story, and healing journey on my Instagram @deadddserious, building a community of like-minded, trauma ridden people like me.